Haaaaaa. The prodigal daughter returns with her calm enhanced. My apologies kiddies, for my previous ranting and raving … I was thoroughly fed up, frustrated and exhausted. Having this lap band is by far the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to contend with in my effort to lose the lard. Re-learning to eat. Learning the art of patience. Dealing with frequent disappointments.
But … my faith in my band has been restored. Why? Not sure exactly. I don’t want to throw in the towel prematurely. A couple of days ago, I placed a post on the message board of a forum (for bandsters) regarding my disappointing lack of restriction. I was flooded with replies reassuring me that what I was experiencing was perfectly normal. I was relieved to hear stories from other bandsters who have a similar 10cc band who wrote that it took up to a cc capacity of 7 to 8cc to get good restriction. Phew! LOL! Maybe I misunderstood the fill/restriction thingy … but I was under the impression that fills provided gradual restriction ... a little this time, even more the next.
I think I may have a little restriction. I say may because I have no real idea what it’s meant to feel like! That said, I can say with absolute confidence that it sure as hell ain’t the coveted ‘sweet spot’ restriction! *belly laughs* So what’s the deal, you ask? Umm … let’s see. This morning I ate some yoghurt & muesli (3/4 cup total) for breakfast (at around 7:40am). I didn’t think about my stomach again until 1pm … at which point it started to make some serious noise. Noice! I mean, last week I felt hungry only an hour or two after eating! My restriction isn’t fabulous in the afternoon/early evening though. I seem to be getting quite hungry at around 4-5pm. Not quite dinner but eating a snack at this time leaves me with no appetite for dinner at around 7pm. But then, if I don’t eat at 7pm because I had a snack, I’m then ravenous at 8:30-9pm. Sigh. What to do? I guess a tweak or two more in my band and I should be home and hosed … on the way to losing some serious lard.
***
My calm has also been considerably enhanced by taking care of myself. I have been to the dentist (Oh my! What a faaarking big needle he put in my mouth!). I moved my arse both yesterday and today (swimming and power walking). I’ve added a good ‘ole vitamin B6 supplement to my diet to pep me up. I have been grocery shopping for quality, whole foods. I’ve reduced the number of Saturdays I had scheduled myself to work (up until September I have been working EVERY Saturday on top of a full work week). I have been eating okay (admittedly, not perfect … bad habits are going to be slow to break). And I’ve given myself some things to look forward to through the week – dinner with friends, a spa appointment and a night out to see a West End stage play.
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Saturday, September 23, 2006
Down funks & dieting
I haven't felt like much this week ... well, other than being bone weary and in a little down funk. I'm not sure why. I have been teary and out of sorts. Perhaps it's just emotional exhaustion. Missing Rob. Fed up with this bloody band parlava. Complex patients at work. Added to that is the fact that I haven't nurtured myself this week. I've done bugger all exercise. And to top it all off, I was ill on Friday and took the day off work.
So, this week I have planned to spend some quality time on myself. I have a dental appointment on Monday (I know, I know ... you all think I'm weird ... but looking after my dental hygiene is important to me. Having a gobful of healthy cavity free teeth makes me feel good); on Thursday I have treated myself to a spa appointment (one whole hour of being scrubbed from head to toe with salt scrub, an aromatherapy Japanese shower and a full body massage ... aah, heaven on a stick!) and on Saturday I'm off to see the "Vegem!ite Tales" (a stage play about a group of Aussies living in London). I have also made a promise to myself to go to the gym three times this week ... even if it's only to swim laps for 40mins.
***
I went for my third fill today. This whole experience is making me increasingly angry, disappointed and frustrated. I have now had three fills in four weeks and have ... no, none, naddah restriction (except maybe in the morning and even then, it's not serious). Sigh. I have forked out almost 3000 GBP for surgery and a further 270 GBP for three fills and I'm not getting anywhere. I'm not losing the oodles of pounds (other than out of my purse) that every other bandster is. I long for this elusive restriction that the bandster world harps on about. I mean, for crying out loud, I am now up to 5.6cc in my band (keeping in mind that my band holds 9cc) and I still have no restriction. 3.4cc more and I'm out ... after 3.4cc, my band will be at full capacity and then what? Faaaark.
My frustrations are only further enraged by the bloody doctor who does my fill. He harps on about 'cravings'and 'dieting' and that I will have to deal with being hungry. What the?! Let me tell you a thing or two Doctor I've-never-really-had-a-weight-problem ... 1) the band is meant to be a tool that limits how much I can eat (meaning I can never overeat but it does mean I can still make bad food choices if I allowed myself), 2) the band (when adequate restriction is achieved) is meant to slow down the passing of food from my pouch to the rest of my stomach resulting in a feeling of being satiated for 3-4 hours ... not the measley 1-2 hours I'm currently experiencing, 3) buddy, this band is about changing my lifestyle ... not about dieting and being starving hungry for the next 40 years of my life. If I wanted that I would've found a way to be anorexic, you prat and 4) I AM NOT HAVING CRAVINGS ... IT'S NOT ABOUT HEAD HUNGER (although I appreciate I will struggle with this from time to time) ... IT'S ABOUT NOT BEING PROPERLY RESTRICTED AND BEING BLOODY STARVING ALL THE TIME!! The man infuritates me. A couple of unsavoury words found their way out of my mouth in an attempt to explain my frustration with this whole bloody experience. And I almost cried angry pent up tears in his office today ... but I'd be loathed to let him see me cry. To make things even better, he proceeded to tell me about a woman who had lost about 20kgs since her surgery in April. Nice one, you prat. I'm failing, she's succeeding ... why tell me that story? It only served to make me feel worse about the whole sorry mess. I think he knew how inappropriate the story was as soon as he told it as he changed topic with lightening speed.
Every fill I've had the doctor tell how I'm 'now' at a good fill level. He tells me that I'll feel something 'this time' but nothing happens. I want to scream and shout and burst into those angry unshed tears. I'm so bloody worried I put myself through a small personal hell for nothing. Sigh.
So, this week I have planned to spend some quality time on myself. I have a dental appointment on Monday (I know, I know ... you all think I'm weird ... but looking after my dental hygiene is important to me. Having a gobful of healthy cavity free teeth makes me feel good); on Thursday I have treated myself to a spa appointment (one whole hour of being scrubbed from head to toe with salt scrub, an aromatherapy Japanese shower and a full body massage ... aah, heaven on a stick!) and on Saturday I'm off to see the "Vegem!ite Tales" (a stage play about a group of Aussies living in London). I have also made a promise to myself to go to the gym three times this week ... even if it's only to swim laps for 40mins.
***
I went for my third fill today. This whole experience is making me increasingly angry, disappointed and frustrated. I have now had three fills in four weeks and have ... no, none, naddah restriction (except maybe in the morning and even then, it's not serious). Sigh. I have forked out almost 3000 GBP for surgery and a further 270 GBP for three fills and I'm not getting anywhere. I'm not losing the oodles of pounds (other than out of my purse) that every other bandster is. I long for this elusive restriction that the bandster world harps on about. I mean, for crying out loud, I am now up to 5.6cc in my band (keeping in mind that my band holds 9cc) and I still have no restriction. 3.4cc more and I'm out ... after 3.4cc, my band will be at full capacity and then what? Faaaark.
My frustrations are only further enraged by the bloody doctor who does my fill. He harps on about 'cravings'and 'dieting' and that I will have to deal with being hungry. What the?! Let me tell you a thing or two Doctor I've-never-really-had-a-weight-problem ... 1) the band is meant to be a tool that limits how much I can eat (meaning I can never overeat but it does mean I can still make bad food choices if I allowed myself), 2) the band (when adequate restriction is achieved) is meant to slow down the passing of food from my pouch to the rest of my stomach resulting in a feeling of being satiated for 3-4 hours ... not the measley 1-2 hours I'm currently experiencing, 3) buddy, this band is about changing my lifestyle ... not about dieting and being starving hungry for the next 40 years of my life. If I wanted that I would've found a way to be anorexic, you prat and 4) I AM NOT HAVING CRAVINGS ... IT'S NOT ABOUT HEAD HUNGER (although I appreciate I will struggle with this from time to time) ... IT'S ABOUT NOT BEING PROPERLY RESTRICTED AND BEING BLOODY STARVING ALL THE TIME!! The man infuritates me. A couple of unsavoury words found their way out of my mouth in an attempt to explain my frustration with this whole bloody experience. And I almost cried angry pent up tears in his office today ... but I'd be loathed to let him see me cry. To make things even better, he proceeded to tell me about a woman who had lost about 20kgs since her surgery in April. Nice one, you prat. I'm failing, she's succeeding ... why tell me that story? It only served to make me feel worse about the whole sorry mess. I think he knew how inappropriate the story was as soon as he told it as he changed topic with lightening speed.
Every fill I've had the doctor tell how I'm 'now' at a good fill level. He tells me that I'll feel something 'this time' but nothing happens. I want to scream and shout and burst into those angry unshed tears. I'm so bloody worried I put myself through a small personal hell for nothing. Sigh.
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Travel & chokes
The trip to Riga was great. I’ll be honest though, it isn’t somewhere you’d want to go if you want to ‘do’ things or see amazing sights. But it’s fantastic if you just want to relax in an outdoor café sipping a latte or downing a beer while listening to live music.
Our hotel was rather quaint if not slightly bizarre. The room we had was located in the roof! Reception was located on the third floor of the building .. our room was on the seventh floor … and the best part? The lift only went to the fifth floor! Ha! What’s that about? LOL!
On the Saturday, we were wandering around this amazing parkland in the heart of the city when we happened upon several wedding parties. Oh. My. Gawd! The fashion was so bad it made you want to belly laugh! It was soooo tacky! Think 80s … think taffeta … think leopard print. Cringe! We had such a laugh quietly poking fun at these poor, unfortunate souls (I know it’s probably really bad karma!)! People, if I’m ever seen in similar clobber … contact your local fashion-nasta for my immediate arrest! LOL!
****
Of course, over the past seven days I have had a couple of ‘chokes’. It’s bound to happen at least a dozen times (or more!) … I mean, prior to surgery I inhaled rather than ate food – so it’s going to take me an age to learn these new eating habits! ‘Choke’ culprits have included pecan nuts, yoghurt (what the!?), chicken and salmon. The yoghurt and the salmon were because I ate too fast. The pecan nuts and chicken were because the food was way too dry … it just seemed to get caught on the way down.
I am eating less now than before surgery but not as little as I should be. My restriction is minimal - I only really feel it in the morning. Come evening time, I can eat a normal size meal without hesitation. Sigh. So guess what?! Ah huh. I’m off for yet another fill on Saturday - hopefully, this third fill will result in some serious restriction and precipitate weight loss ... finally!
Our hotel was rather quaint if not slightly bizarre. The room we had was located in the roof! Reception was located on the third floor of the building .. our room was on the seventh floor … and the best part? The lift only went to the fifth floor! Ha! What’s that about? LOL!
On the Saturday, we were wandering around this amazing parkland in the heart of the city when we happened upon several wedding parties. Oh. My. Gawd! The fashion was so bad it made you want to belly laugh! It was soooo tacky! Think 80s … think taffeta … think leopard print. Cringe! We had such a laugh quietly poking fun at these poor, unfortunate souls (I know it’s probably really bad karma!)! People, if I’m ever seen in similar clobber … contact your local fashion-nasta for my immediate arrest! LOL!
****
Of course, over the past seven days I have had a couple of ‘chokes’. It’s bound to happen at least a dozen times (or more!) … I mean, prior to surgery I inhaled rather than ate food – so it’s going to take me an age to learn these new eating habits! ‘Choke’ culprits have included pecan nuts, yoghurt (what the!?), chicken and salmon. The yoghurt and the salmon were because I ate too fast. The pecan nuts and chicken were because the food was way too dry … it just seemed to get caught on the way down.
I am eating less now than before surgery but not as little as I should be. My restriction is minimal - I only really feel it in the morning. Come evening time, I can eat a normal size meal without hesitation. Sigh. So guess what?! Ah huh. I’m off for yet another fill on Saturday - hopefully, this third fill will result in some serious restriction and precipitate weight loss ... finally!
Monday, September 11, 2006
'Soft' signs
I think I may have a little restriction … not enough to limit me to eating a piddly ¾ cup of food that is recommended (what am I … a sparrow?) but I’m relieved to feel something. I ate soup today for lunch and about three spoonfuls from finishing, I realized I had a runny nose (and the soup was not spicy … what the?!). I have read that a runny nose, a small burp or hiccups can all be ‘soft’ signs that you’re full. Hard signs being incredible chest or shoulder pain! Hmmm … I hope I’ll always listen to the soft signs but what’s the bet I’ll ignore my body signals every so often and end up in pain? I’m betting a fiver?! LOL!
Blogging will be on hiatus for a week or so what with my brief sortie to Latvia. What this does mean though is that I'll have plenty of innane stories to blog about. Oom wa ha ha! You lucky, lucky bastards!
Blogging will be on hiatus for a week or so what with my brief sortie to Latvia. What this does mean though is that I'll have plenty of innane stories to blog about. Oom wa ha ha! You lucky, lucky bastards!
Sunday, September 10, 2006
It's all about a compromise, dah-ling!
I had my second fill yesterday - an extra 1cc of saline. The whole process was over in less than 5 minutes and left me 90 GBP poorer. To be perfectly honest I don’t think it’s going to make one iota of difference but here’s to hoping. Patience, Grasshopper.
***
Yesterday was also fraught with much anxiety and trepidation. Rob phoned me on Friday night and told me that his flight details had been changed by his company. Instead of flying out on Thursday morning, he was scheduled on a flight out of Heathrow on Saturday evening. Damn. My heart sank. The reason he was flying out on the Thursday was because a mate and I were heading out on the same day for Riga (Latvia) for five days. How could I go back on plans I had made with a close mate months ago? I was absolutely torn. I mean, how could I possibly go off globe trekking with my friend (a male friend at that!) when the man I love and plan to spend the rest of my life with, would be sitting in my apartment for three days on his own? Rob had said to me that it was fine; he knew we had had this trip planned for months. By the end of the conversation though, he asked if there was any way my mate could find someone else to go with him at short notice. I had a restless night’s sleep – tossing and turning and ending up with a huge, knotty bird’s nest in my hair. By the morning, I had worked out a compromise. I could fly out on the Friday instead. This would mean a) my mate would have to fend for himself Thursday and most of Friday and b) Rob would only have to spend a day by himself instead of three. It meant that I would have to forfeit my existing flight ticket (if you are a no show on the day of departure, airlines cancel your return journey). I finally plucked up enough courage to ring my mate and explain the situation (it took me four hours to call him because I felt so bad about stuffing up our travel plans … I even had to ring a girlfriend to run the whole scenario and proposal by her! LOL!). Thankfully, my mate was very understanding. In the space of 5 hours, an airfare that was 140 GBP went up to 215 GBP. Phwoar! Bloody daylight robbery ... especially since my original return flight cost me a measley 90 GBP.
***
Last night I attended a ‘dinner party’ at my girlfriend’s place … which I could not truly partake in (yet again!). I ended up telling my girlfriend about the op earlier in the week when I knew I would be getting a fill (meaning I would be on fluids for 2-3 days). For the past 7 weeks, every time we have got together I have either been a) not eating because of the op (which was believable for about two weeks) or b) on fluids only because I ‘haven’t felt well’. I knew her suspicions were being roused and would only be further piqued if I turned up not eating at her dinner party. So I spilled the beans. She was a gem about it. I arrived at her apartment with soup and chocolate torte in hand (although I wasn’t able to eat it, it looked irresistible!). She served the bland looking soup with the same flourish she served the salmon with – bless her!
***
Yesterday’s events reminded me of what I have always known ... I have the most amazing friends ... they are understanding, non-judgmental and are always there to support me. I am one very lucky soul.
***
Yesterday was also fraught with much anxiety and trepidation. Rob phoned me on Friday night and told me that his flight details had been changed by his company. Instead of flying out on Thursday morning, he was scheduled on a flight out of Heathrow on Saturday evening. Damn. My heart sank. The reason he was flying out on the Thursday was because a mate and I were heading out on the same day for Riga (Latvia) for five days. How could I go back on plans I had made with a close mate months ago? I was absolutely torn. I mean, how could I possibly go off globe trekking with my friend (a male friend at that!) when the man I love and plan to spend the rest of my life with, would be sitting in my apartment for three days on his own? Rob had said to me that it was fine; he knew we had had this trip planned for months. By the end of the conversation though, he asked if there was any way my mate could find someone else to go with him at short notice. I had a restless night’s sleep – tossing and turning and ending up with a huge, knotty bird’s nest in my hair. By the morning, I had worked out a compromise. I could fly out on the Friday instead. This would mean a) my mate would have to fend for himself Thursday and most of Friday and b) Rob would only have to spend a day by himself instead of three. It meant that I would have to forfeit my existing flight ticket (if you are a no show on the day of departure, airlines cancel your return journey). I finally plucked up enough courage to ring my mate and explain the situation (it took me four hours to call him because I felt so bad about stuffing up our travel plans … I even had to ring a girlfriend to run the whole scenario and proposal by her! LOL!). Thankfully, my mate was very understanding. In the space of 5 hours, an airfare that was 140 GBP went up to 215 GBP. Phwoar! Bloody daylight robbery ... especially since my original return flight cost me a measley 90 GBP.
***
Last night I attended a ‘dinner party’ at my girlfriend’s place … which I could not truly partake in (yet again!). I ended up telling my girlfriend about the op earlier in the week when I knew I would be getting a fill (meaning I would be on fluids for 2-3 days). For the past 7 weeks, every time we have got together I have either been a) not eating because of the op (which was believable for about two weeks) or b) on fluids only because I ‘haven’t felt well’. I knew her suspicions were being roused and would only be further piqued if I turned up not eating at her dinner party. So I spilled the beans. She was a gem about it. I arrived at her apartment with soup and chocolate torte in hand (although I wasn’t able to eat it, it looked irresistible!). She served the bland looking soup with the same flourish she served the salmon with – bless her!
***
Yesterday’s events reminded me of what I have always known ... I have the most amazing friends ... they are understanding, non-judgmental and are always there to support me. I am one very lucky soul.
Saturday, September 09, 2006
A sobering entry
A rather sobering entry, folks … you know how it's said that bad things happen in 3s. Who would ever have known? Three Australian personalities met their fate last week. Steve Irwin, Peter Brock and Colin Thiele (the author of ‘Storm Boy’). Irwin and Brocky died in tragic circumstances .. Colin passed away of old age.
Life is so fragile … so uncertain and so infinitely precious.
The week before last, I witnessed my patient pass away from a heart attack. The absolute chaos that broke out as we attempted to revive him and the subsequent quiet in the room when he was declared dead is difficult to explain. It is a humbling experience to be there when a person passes from this life to the next. I struggled with a multitude of emotions, with a deep sadness enveloping me for days.
My most sincere condolenscenes are extended to the families of the Aussie icons who passed away last week … and for my patient. May you rest in peace.
Life is so fragile … so uncertain and so infinitely precious.
The week before last, I witnessed my patient pass away from a heart attack. The absolute chaos that broke out as we attempted to revive him and the subsequent quiet in the room when he was declared dead is difficult to explain. It is a humbling experience to be there when a person passes from this life to the next. I struggled with a multitude of emotions, with a deep sadness enveloping me for days.
My most sincere condolenscenes are extended to the families of the Aussie icons who passed away last week … and for my patient. May you rest in peace.
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
It moved!
Holy snapping ducks, Batman! The scales have finally moved in the downward direction. Yessss! Since Saturday I have lost 1.4kgs (3lbs) … it defies all logic but I have. I continue to be absolutely famished, so I wouldn’t be at all surprised if this weight loss is really only ‘water’ as opposed to having permanently eradicated some honest to God lard. I am now back in my ‘usual’ weight bracket … admittedly, at the higher end but it’s a relief all the same.
Despite this weight loss, I am still going to go ahead with my fill on Saturday. I seriously can eat way too much for someone who has a gastric band but probably right on the nose if I was on WW. I have hoovered down the following today:
· 1 cup muesli/yoghurt
· Ham, cheese and sundried tomato sandwich
· Small ½ shot latte (full cream milk)
· 2 soft licorice sticks
· ½ cup natural low fat yoghurt with honey and sunflower seeds
· Small grilled salmon fillet with vegetables (plus one teaspoon of pesto)
· Lite chocolate mousse
· Peach
· 2.5 litres water
Gimme some restriction, baby!
****
I ended up in one of the Middle Eastern Health Offices (Embassy) today in a bid to get authorization to see a number of patients in one of the hospitals I visit. Oh. My. God. It was a zoo! Think of monkeys with no manners and you’re about half way there! There was absolutely no order or decorum. In one doctor’s office I counted 28 people … all standing around this poor bugger’s desk yelling at incredible decibels! I had to elbow my way to the edge of the doctor’s desk. Fortunately, blonde hair and breasts tend to capture the attention of people pronto in a place that is only used to seeing male arabs thick and fast every day. I’m not sure how it came about but the doctor and I ended up discussing gastric banding with half of the middle east listening in (what the?!). The good doctor himself was a big man and was very interested in my experience with the gastric band. He plans to call me to discuss it in greater depth as he’d like to have something similar done. Hmmm … I’ve turned into a talking advertisement for Heliogast. I really should demand commission! LOL!
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
Fill for nothing
I'm so over this.
I want out.
Believe me, I don't want to be obese for the rest of my life but honestly, this whole band thing is getting extremely tedious.
My fill has not resulted in any form of restriction. I could still eat a vast volume of food without feeling full if I chose to but I don't allow myself. I limit myself to the recommended meal size of one cup (yep! that's all folks!) ... as a result of this drastically reduced food intake (without adequate restriciton) I am in constant warfare with my gut. I am always hungry. My gut makes more noise than a brass band ... and it's really been upping the ante in the last couple of days.
This means that on Saturday, I'm dropping another 90 quid to get a second fill. I then start worrying .. what if this fill has no effect either? Or what if it's too tight and I can't manage to get/keep fluids or solids down? The doctor only does fills on Saturdays and I happen to be away travelling the weekend after next. Is if anything goes wrong I'm up shite creek without a paddle. Sigh.
To add to the drama, I'm meant to be having dinner with some girlfriends on Saturday night ... but if I get a fill on Saturday morning, I can't eat for another 5 days (read: 3 days! LOL!). So yet another social event where I will have to be a non-participant with all and sunder starting to think I have a poorly disguised eating disorder.
I want out.
Believe me, I don't want to be obese for the rest of my life but honestly, this whole band thing is getting extremely tedious.
My fill has not resulted in any form of restriction. I could still eat a vast volume of food without feeling full if I chose to but I don't allow myself. I limit myself to the recommended meal size of one cup (yep! that's all folks!) ... as a result of this drastically reduced food intake (without adequate restriciton) I am in constant warfare with my gut. I am always hungry. My gut makes more noise than a brass band ... and it's really been upping the ante in the last couple of days.
This means that on Saturday, I'm dropping another 90 quid to get a second fill. I then start worrying .. what if this fill has no effect either? Or what if it's too tight and I can't manage to get/keep fluids or solids down? The doctor only does fills on Saturdays and I happen to be away travelling the weekend after next. Is if anything goes wrong I'm up shite creek without a paddle. Sigh.
To add to the drama, I'm meant to be having dinner with some girlfriends on Saturday night ... but if I get a fill on Saturday morning, I can't eat for another 5 days (read: 3 days! LOL!). So yet another social event where I will have to be a non-participant with all and sunder starting to think I have a poorly disguised eating disorder.
Sunday, September 03, 2006
The hungry well wisher
I'm soooooo hungry. It sucks being on fluids. And I'm supposed to do this for 5 whole days?! It's just not going to happen. Most people with gastric bands only have to wait 48 hours after a fill before they can start on solids again. Why am I so special to have to wait 5 whole days to eat again? Somehow, I don't think I'm going to be waiting until Thursday to eat again! I'm busting at the seams to know whether this fill is going to give me a feeling of restriction when I eat. Please God, I hope so.
****
I meant to say 'Happy Birthday, Mum' for yesterday but got carried away with my rant! I know Mum probably won't stumble across this blog entry for a good 4 months but I wanted to say it anyway! Yep. I haven't told my family. I want to suprise them! It's been so hard not telling my mum, as I share just about everything with her - especially the life changing stuff. Part of the reason behind this blog is for her to catch up with what happened on my journey before she found out. At this stage, I am planning a trip to Oz in January/February next year.
And a 'Happy Father's Day' to my Dad for today. Dad is not computer literate AT ALL! He will never read this blog entry ... but that's beside the point!
****
I meant to say 'Happy Birthday, Mum' for yesterday but got carried away with my rant! I know Mum probably won't stumble across this blog entry for a good 4 months but I wanted to say it anyway! Yep. I haven't told my family. I want to suprise them! It's been so hard not telling my mum, as I share just about everything with her - especially the life changing stuff. Part of the reason behind this blog is for her to catch up with what happened on my journey before she found out. At this stage, I am planning a trip to Oz in January/February next year.
And a 'Happy Father's Day' to my Dad for today. Dad is not computer literate AT ALL! He will never read this blog entry ... but that's beside the point!
Saturday, September 02, 2006
Fill 'er up!
I had my first visit to the Fill Station today. I was just a tiny bit nervous ... okay, okay .. I lie … I was uber nervous. My friend and I being the brave, independent souls that we are, agreed to provide moral support to each other during the The Fill ordeal. The whole experience was a comedy of errors. Public transport was on the blink – 5 tube lines were not operating due to maintenance work. The day was perfect to be venturing outdoors – windy, rainy and overcast. I was starving as I’d only eaten ½ cup of yoghurt for breakfast. My friend was running late for her appointment (our appointments were an hour apart, hers being the first); she attempted to call the number we had be given if we were to find ourselves running late. Of course there was no answer other than that of the surgery’s answering machine. We jumped a cab from the tube station to the doctor’s surgery. We clambered out of the cab to be greeted by a rather empty parking lot and an even emptier looking building. Hmmm. Strange. We rang the bell marked “Surgery”. At first there was no response. Definitely dodgey. An unkempt, middle-aged woman finally bustled to the door rabbiting on about the door being unlocked and were we there to see Dr (mumble mumble). What? Ummm … yes? My friend and I stole a glance at each other when she finally said in an intelligible voice, “Oh, the doctor isn’t here yet. I’ll just call him.” So much for busting our arse to get there on time. She rang the doctor to inform him that we had arrived. After contacting the doctor, she informed us that the doctor’s schedule hadn’t had my friend’s appointment time listed. His first appointment was supposedly mine at 11am. My friend and I raised an eyebrow at each other. Ooooh, boy … what have we got ourselves into? Some kind of back yard operation? Under our breaths, we discussed how dodgey the whole set up was (I somehow think there may be a change in our Fill Station doctor). I mean, for crying out loud, we were given our appointments three days after our surgeries … that was 6 weeks ago!
Here we were paying this fool 90 GBP for the pleasure of being messed around and punctured with a large hypodermic needle. What absolute value for money, I say. When the doctor finally appeared, he bustled in and was just about to scoot past us when he took it upon himself to pause to explain his late arrival (I didn’t have you on my list … I’ll be two minutes). Mmm hmm. Whatever. Let’s just get this over and done with, buddy. My friend was summoned to the treatment room; with her lovely lovely assistant in tow. I think the doctor was actually pleased to get two appointments done at once for the financial reimbursement of two.
Apparently introducing yourself is so yesterday. In lieu of an introduction he launched into asking us a barrage of questions about our recovery, food intake and exercise. We obediently rattled off answers. I reported feeling extremely hungry over the past week or two. I explained that I had felt restriction for the first 3-4 weeks following surgery and hadn’t felt compelled to eat or snack but that my appetite had recently returned to normal. He then went off on a self-righteous tangent stating that it would take willpower not to indulge my cravings and the band would not fix the problem. Listen here, you wanker. I was not talking about cravings. I was merely stating that I feel hungry and I was keen to have a fill to re-gain that feeling of being satiated after eating.
We both had questions for him; most of which he had difficulty answering. He would often start talking about something completely unrelated or talk over the top of us in a bid to bamboozle us into forgetting what we had asked about. Bloody tool.
We then stepped onto the surgery scales and had our BMIs measured. I officially lost 4kgs during my healing phase, 2 points off my BMI and 3 inches off my waist. I hoped for a much more impressive loss but at this time I’ll take whatever I can get.
The fill itself was quite uneventful. I had been nervous for no reason. The doctor told us that we would feel a prick as the needle pierced the skin but it would be less painful than a blood test. To be honest, I didn’t even feel the needle go in. He planned to put in a 4cc fill but he apparently felt some resistance after 3.75cc. So, 3.75cc it was to be. I had to drink a glass of water to ensure that I could swallow and keep fluids down. I ended up burping my way through a glass of water and had an uncomfortable feeling in my stomach. But I deduced it was because I was bloody hungry rather than because I’d had an over fill. We were then told it would be 12 weeks until our next appointment, fills and emergency treatment could only be done on Saturdays (and of course, we’ll only ever have an emergency on a Saturday, won’t we?!) and that we would have to be on fluids for 5 days! Bugger off! It’s starting to feel like the only reason I’m going to lose weight with this bloody band is because of the amount of time I’m either on soft, mushy food or fluids.
I AM GETTING SO SICK OF WAITING. I just so desperately want to get on with this weight loss caper but it feels like I’m always bloody waiting. Waiting for surgery. Waiting for 6 weeks till I could have my first fill. Waiting 5 days till I can eat following the fill. What happens if I don’t feel any restriction when I start eating next week? I then have to wait for a Saturday to get an adjustment. Waiting, waiting and oh, what a surprise, some more bloody waiting. Sigh.
Here we were paying this fool 90 GBP for the pleasure of being messed around and punctured with a large hypodermic needle. What absolute value for money, I say. When the doctor finally appeared, he bustled in and was just about to scoot past us when he took it upon himself to pause to explain his late arrival (I didn’t have you on my list … I’ll be two minutes). Mmm hmm. Whatever. Let’s just get this over and done with, buddy. My friend was summoned to the treatment room; with her lovely lovely assistant in tow. I think the doctor was actually pleased to get two appointments done at once for the financial reimbursement of two.
Apparently introducing yourself is so yesterday. In lieu of an introduction he launched into asking us a barrage of questions about our recovery, food intake and exercise. We obediently rattled off answers. I reported feeling extremely hungry over the past week or two. I explained that I had felt restriction for the first 3-4 weeks following surgery and hadn’t felt compelled to eat or snack but that my appetite had recently returned to normal. He then went off on a self-righteous tangent stating that it would take willpower not to indulge my cravings and the band would not fix the problem. Listen here, you wanker. I was not talking about cravings. I was merely stating that I feel hungry and I was keen to have a fill to re-gain that feeling of being satiated after eating.
We both had questions for him; most of which he had difficulty answering. He would often start talking about something completely unrelated or talk over the top of us in a bid to bamboozle us into forgetting what we had asked about. Bloody tool.
We then stepped onto the surgery scales and had our BMIs measured. I officially lost 4kgs during my healing phase, 2 points off my BMI and 3 inches off my waist. I hoped for a much more impressive loss but at this time I’ll take whatever I can get.
The fill itself was quite uneventful. I had been nervous for no reason. The doctor told us that we would feel a prick as the needle pierced the skin but it would be less painful than a blood test. To be honest, I didn’t even feel the needle go in. He planned to put in a 4cc fill but he apparently felt some resistance after 3.75cc. So, 3.75cc it was to be. I had to drink a glass of water to ensure that I could swallow and keep fluids down. I ended up burping my way through a glass of water and had an uncomfortable feeling in my stomach. But I deduced it was because I was bloody hungry rather than because I’d had an over fill. We were then told it would be 12 weeks until our next appointment, fills and emergency treatment could only be done on Saturdays (and of course, we’ll only ever have an emergency on a Saturday, won’t we?!) and that we would have to be on fluids for 5 days! Bugger off! It’s starting to feel like the only reason I’m going to lose weight with this bloody band is because of the amount of time I’m either on soft, mushy food or fluids.
I AM GETTING SO SICK OF WAITING. I just so desperately want to get on with this weight loss caper but it feels like I’m always bloody waiting. Waiting for surgery. Waiting for 6 weeks till I could have my first fill. Waiting 5 days till I can eat following the fill. What happens if I don’t feel any restriction when I start eating next week? I then have to wait for a Saturday to get an adjustment. Waiting, waiting and oh, what a surprise, some more bloody waiting. Sigh.
Friday, September 01, 2006
The static scale and a tummy tantrum
Sigh. I am so jealous. It’ll probably bring me bad karma for saying so. But I am. I fully understand that comparing yourself to another in the weight loss parlava can precipitate emotional suicide … or at least some frenzied disappointment eating. I happened to be browsing through some lap band blogs a couple of days ago and found one that was authored by a woman who had her surgery about five days before I did. In 6 weeks she lost a total of 26 pounds (11.8kgs) – taking her from 225 to 199. Kudos to her! It is an awesome achievement and she must feel on top of the world. I, on the other hand, am dead jealous. My weight loss hasn’t been nearly as impressive. The lack of downward movement on the scales has me fearing that maybe this is going to be a spectacular failure that has come with a massive price tag. Dammit.
I then checked out some general weight loss blogs …. a number of people doing the weight loss thing the old fashioned way are moving astounding amounts of lard on a regular basis. Sigh. Hey body – let’s part with the fat suit … it’s soooo last season. How ‘bout it? Please?
For all my whingeing, I have had four people comment on my changing appearance. I think at the moment, it’s all about the inches and not the damn number on the scale.
****
My appetite is as hearty as it ever was. I can pretty much eat the same quantity of food as I did prior to surgery (over the last three days). Obviously, there are some foods that don’t agree with me but the stuff that does, I find I can eat good, solid portions without grief.
I definitely feel hungry … despite how much or how often I eat. I get wicked hunger pains complete with audible noises! This afternoon I was interviewing a patient to the soundtrack of the Titanic - my stomach was carrying on like a naughty two year old having a tantrum! How many times can you say ‘Excuse me’ without it getting old?!
****
I have started fussing over myself again. I had my bits and pieces waxed, plucked and trimmed. I went and got my hair coloured and cut. I’ve been going to the gym regularly. I’ve been taking a little time in the morning to put on some basic make up. All this time, effort and justification for forking out the cashola went out the window leading up to surgery. Mostly because I was working like a fiend for months prior to going to Belguim (6 days a week leaving me completely exhausted) and all available cash was being squirreled away to pay for surgery. But I also stopped putting in the effort because I had put on so much weight that I felt disgusted with myself. I must admit, I feel better for looking after myself.
****
So, I am diligently saying my “Hail Mary”s and keeping numerous parts of my anatomy crossed in the hope that my (very first) fill will produce some obvious results. I am all about the instant gratification, folks! LOL! Here’s to being poked in the gut with a massive needle tomorrow! Ching ching!
I then checked out some general weight loss blogs …. a number of people doing the weight loss thing the old fashioned way are moving astounding amounts of lard on a regular basis. Sigh. Hey body – let’s part with the fat suit … it’s soooo last season. How ‘bout it? Please?
For all my whingeing, I have had four people comment on my changing appearance. I think at the moment, it’s all about the inches and not the damn number on the scale.
****
My appetite is as hearty as it ever was. I can pretty much eat the same quantity of food as I did prior to surgery (over the last three days). Obviously, there are some foods that don’t agree with me but the stuff that does, I find I can eat good, solid portions without grief.
I definitely feel hungry … despite how much or how often I eat. I get wicked hunger pains complete with audible noises! This afternoon I was interviewing a patient to the soundtrack of the Titanic - my stomach was carrying on like a naughty two year old having a tantrum! How many times can you say ‘Excuse me’ without it getting old?!
****
I have started fussing over myself again. I had my bits and pieces waxed, plucked and trimmed. I went and got my hair coloured and cut. I’ve been going to the gym regularly. I’ve been taking a little time in the morning to put on some basic make up. All this time, effort and justification for forking out the cashola went out the window leading up to surgery. Mostly because I was working like a fiend for months prior to going to Belguim (6 days a week leaving me completely exhausted) and all available cash was being squirreled away to pay for surgery. But I also stopped putting in the effort because I had put on so much weight that I felt disgusted with myself. I must admit, I feel better for looking after myself.
****
So, I am diligently saying my “Hail Mary”s and keeping numerous parts of my anatomy crossed in the hope that my (very first) fill will produce some obvious results. I am all about the instant gratification, folks! LOL! Here’s to being poked in the gut with a massive needle tomorrow! Ching ching!
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