You want me to what?!

Gawd, do I have a bloody funny story for you! It’s dead ridiculous actually. On Friday after work, I rocked up at the gym raring to do some brisk laps in the pool. The pool at the gym is rather small (making an understatement). It's 25m with four lanes. The gym offers swimming lessons to wee kiddies in the afternoons (3-5:30pm) which takes up one lane of the pool. Then there are two un-cordoned lanes for people to faff around in. That leaves ONE lane dedicated to people who are serious about swimming. I would normally rock up to swim at around 5:45pm, by which time the swimming lessons are over. Which means there are then lanes free for swimmers – one which can be used to swim any style and the other is for front stroke only. Sooo … I turn up this day when there is only one lane free. I sigh to myself as soon as I spot that there are three women already swimming laps. BUT … they are all swimming breast stroke at an incredibly slow pace. In bikinis. What the?! I jumped into the pool and began swimming laps … continuously. Meanwhile, the afore mentioned women were resting after every lap. Ahem? But just as I’d come up to the wall to turn, one of these bloody women who were resting, would decide to launch off at that exact moment. No wuckers, I would think to myself, I’ll just nip around you. At one point, I was overtaking one woman as another was coming in the opposite direction. As any serious swimmer knows, in a tight squeeze, you can fit three in a lane. It certainly doesn't leave anyone room but it enables faster swimmers to keep their pace while slower swimmers can ... well, do not much! LOL! Any hoo, we all passed by fine - admittedly it was a squeeze but no one collided. I think it was about four laps later, I was turning at the wall to head up the pool when this woman grabbed my arm (half drowning me, mind you!) and said in her posh, irritating voice, “I can’t believe it! Why do you have to swim so fast, weaving in and out of people. Why can’t you swim slow and wait behind the person in front of you?”. I looked at her with mouth agape. “You want me to what? Swim slow in a lap pool? The lane is for lap not leisure swimmers, madam”. I turned on my heel and continued my lap. What a moose! I detest women who go to the gym and pretend to exercise. It’s a pet hate which I will never be able to reconcile myself to!

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I pampered myself like a goddess this week. I exercised like I promised myself. My spa appointment was AMAZING! A full body brush, a salt scrub, an energizing shower and a massaged with essential oils made relaxed me to the core and my skin felt sooo silky! I purchased a body fat monitor (gauges your total body fat and BMI). And my treat to see the “Vegemite Tale$” in the West End last night rounded off the week nicely!

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If you’re bored to tears by lists and anal plans may I suggest a change of web site immediately?! Because yesterday I mapped out a total body plan for the next 8 weeks (leading up to the Dubai trip) which I’m about to scratch out for you.

EXERCISE:
AIM: For 5-6 days of activity; short 1/2hr moderate pace walk on day off (Sunday)

• Gym x 3-4 per week (including weights/pump, pilates, body combat, swimming, rowing and cross training)
• Bikram yoga x 1-2 per week
• Belly/salsa dancing x 1 per week

EATING:
AIM: For calorie intake of 1200-1400
• Eat high protein food
• Eat three meals with 1-2 snacks
• Have 1-2 more fills
• Use WW points record book and supermarket/eating out guide
• Dinner out: no more than once/twice per week
• Chocolate: 1-2 per week
• Coffee: no more than 3 skinny lattes per week

WEIGHT/MEASUREMENTS:
The following will be recorded on a weekly basis:
• Weight (at approx 10am on a Tuesday)
• Measurements (full body)
• BMI (with body fat monitor)

CARING FOR SELF:
• Massage once every three weeks (lymphatic drainage)
• Body brush x 2-3 per week
• Body scrub x 1 per week
• Facial once a month
• Pedicure once a month

Right! I’m off to apply some elbow grease to my plight. Here’s to hoping I get results!