Things have taken a turn for the worse. I got a phone call at 3:17am on Friday morning. Before I even answered the phone I knew it wasn’t going to be good … in a nutshell, my grandma’s health had further deteriorated. She had been hospitalized and was to be transferred to a palliative care home within 24 hours. Her prognosis was not good but no doctor would commit to giving an indication of the length of time we might still have her for. She declined any interventions (including IV fluids) other than some morphine and anti-nausea medication. Her legs are apparently quite swollen. She is neither eating or drinking. When she does drink it’s the smallest of sips. As for eliminating bodily wastes – it’s just not happening.
Needless to say, all weekend I waxed and waned over whether to go home earlier than planned. After 4 days of indecision and loads of conferring with friends and family, I decided to stick to my original flight dates. It wasn’t the easiest decision I’ve ever made. I mean, I wanted to be able to say goodbye to grandma face to face. I wanted to see her that one last time. But as mum pointed out to me, she is barely opening her eyes when she does talk to you … everyone is just a voice to her. Despite this, I still wanted to be able to say goodbye – even if it wasn’t in the flesh. I asked mum if she could set up a phone call so we could speak for a few minutes. My grandma got on the phone … I was all choked up and ready to say what I had to say but grandma launched into her bit. It took her a couple of minutes but when she was done she was exhausted. I literally didn’t get to say a word. So, I’m in the process of gathering and ordering my thoughts into a letter (to be read to her by mum) to tell her that she was my inspiration to learn and travel. To tell her that I love her. To say goodbye and make peace with what is happening.
By choosing to go on the 10th November, the chances are that I’m not going to make it home before she passes away … but I feel I need to be there to support my mum after the fact. I want to be there to support her while she grieves. I want to be able to cut the ‘To do’ list in half for her so she doesn’t have to deal with an overwhelming number of things to do after grandma passes away. I want to be there to keep her company … fuss over her a bit.
Mind you, it’s been five days since she took a nose dive and she’s still with us. She’s a bloody tough battle axe – she’s waiting for something. Mum thinks she’s waiting for her quarterly superannuation payment to go into the bank before she pops her clogs. That would be so typical of her!
***
The band and weight loss?
Oh, fark! Yes, of course!
I went for my 5th fill on Saturday. I am now up to 6.6cc in my 10cc band. I had no problems downing a glass of water in the doctor’s surgery. The next morning however, I had a choke on a glass of water and half a multivitamin tablet. Gawd, the stoma must be small!
I stuck to fluids for most of the day today but this evening I ate my first solid meal since the fill. It was sushi. Have a guess at how much I could eat before I was full … 3 tiny cucumber maki rolls and one piece of salmon nigiri! I later followed it with a pot of yoghurt which didn’t sit too well as I was still full. I believe you’d call that eating like a sparrow! LOL!
I am still on a mission to lose 5kg before going to Dubai. But considering everything that is going on, I won’t be devastated if it doesn’t happen … I need to give myself a little room for error at the moment. Gently, gently. I know it will happen.
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