Green

I’m green. And not in the sense of eco-friendly. Nor from being afflicted with some form of motion sickness. But rather with envy.

I’m jealous. Dead jealous. There. I said it.

Why? Well, this week my darling, long time friend sent me some pictures of herself. She has lost 50kg+. On her own, I might add – no gimmicks, no frills just sheer guts (no pun intended) and determination despite having two small children who demand much of her time.

I knew she’d lost this unbelievable amount of weight but until you see it with your own eyes you simply cannot imagine it. She sent me a picture to give me an idea of what she looks like these days. There is nothing left of her. She’s so tiny.

In the past, we had a crack at losing weight together when we were sharing a house. Mind you, neither of us were terribly successful at that point in time. But now, well, she’s a roaring success. I feel slightly like a failure.

It’s hard to articulate why.

We are about the same height and currently I’m about 5kg lighter than her. Yet I still look big compared to her. I looked at myself in the mirror the other night and was brutally honest with myself. I am still carrying substantial weight on my lower stomach, inner thighs and underarms. As I stood there staring at myself, my mind’s eye saw the picture of my friend and I found myself feeling very disappointed with me and my body. I am still a big girl really. I’m just envious. I simply don’t look as good as she does.

We have both worked hard and sacrificed a lot to get to where we are but it seems I am all too human and always want more. Or what others have. I know I touted in my last post that I am cool with not necessarily achieving the same weight loss numbers or low dress sizes as others who begun this journey with me have. But I guess when you get to the heart of it, I’m not. I feel like if I’d worked out harder, longer, more often. If I had forgone that dessert or skipped lunch more often, I too would be waif like at this very moment in time. Sigh.

Pure laziness, fatigue and/or cockiness has seen my exercise routine slip and my eating habits have become less than desirable.

But seeing your friend look like a minx in everyday clothes has spurred me on. I am determined to lose 5kgs before heading to the sun and white sand of Dubai at the end of November.

To make this a reality I have written down what exercise I plan to do which I both enjoy and that I know is effective for my body, which includes: running, spin classes, body pump and Bikram yoga.

I am going to make myself a little bento box of food every night to take to work with me so this will eliminate the temptation to grab snacks while on the run between hospitals.

All green envy aside, I would like to say a huge congratulations to my girlfriend for her amazing weight loss and her inspiration.