What a fantastic day! A couple of friends and I went to the Notting Hill Carnival to a laugh. It was awesome if not a touch bizarre! Uber loud music pumped from the truck floats. Whistles were blowing. Horns honking. People were dancing in the street. Every sensation was accosted. Sight. Sound. Smell. Touch. The crowds were as thick as thieves. The variety of people was vast – a real mixed bag! We hung over the barricades to watch the first part of the parade and then made our way through the throng of people to investigate what else was happening. We spotted a huge outdoor sound system set up – a disco in the street. It rocked! Dancing in the middle of the street surrounded by happy strangers on a warm sunny English day (yes – it was actually sunny in England?! LOL!). There were Caribbean food stalls on every street – people were even selling BBQ from their front stoop & letting you use their loo for a quid! I had such a blast! I would’ve stayed much longer except I really needed to eat. Despite there being food everywhere, most of it was stuff that doesn’t agree with me. To make matters a little more complicated, I have to sit down to eat and take my time (I can’t walk around mindlessly stuffing my face like the old days anymore!) – both of which were impossible to do at the Carnival!
My left knee ached a little by the time I got home. I’m sure it had nothing to do with the fact that I climbed up & down dale, elbowed through throngs, hammered up and down stairs or that I walked from SW to NW London today!
****
I knocked up a Thai green prawn curry (no rice!) for dinner which went down without an incident (thank God for small mercies!). I remembered to take my time, chewed thoroughly and took small bites! Maybe I will get the hang of this band thing. *Fingers crossed*
Sunday, August 27, 2006
Saturday, August 26, 2006
Purge (not the eating disorder)
78-79kgs = ‘The Massive Purge’. Yep. It’s at this weight I will purge my drawers, cupboards and cabinets of shite. All the stuff that doesn’t fit, the ghastly looking items I once bought thinking they made me look dead-sexy (ahem, at 95kg?!), the thread bare garments I am currently clinging to (as these are the only things that fit at present), the old handbags which have seen better days, the shoes, the holey underwear, the bras with the escaping underwires, the crappy, crusty makeup, the pills & the potions I thought would cure my obesity (cringe). I realize it must seem a strange point at which to do this purge, but for me it will be a momentous occasion when I reach this weight. I have not seen this weight since I was 14. That is half my life ago! My weight has been up and down most of my adult life. I hate to admit this but the heaviest I’ve been according to a secretly squirreled weight watcher weight record book is 99.9kg. I have mainly fluctuated between 80 & 88kgs. In all the time I’ve been on this lard busting wagon, I have never been able to crack the 80kg mark. This may partly be a psychological mind block and possibly a set weight that my body has established. To finally move out of the 80s will be terribly significant. A perfect reason to celebrate and clean my life of the clutter.
****
I’m disappointed in myself today. I have eaten a little too much chocolate. I cannot let this become a habit. The surgeon indicated to me during my pre-op consultation, that he was concerned about my perchant for chocolate; that this could become quite a stumbling block to my weight loss. He’s absolutely right. It’s empty calories. It’s not going to hang around in my pouch very long to make me feel full. Prior to my appetite returning, I didn’t have any desire to eat chocolate. I’m hoping after my fill next Saturday that I’m not going to feel as hungry as often, hence not as likely to dive for a bar of chocolate as a stop gap between meals. I must learn some serious self-control. For the money I spent on this bloody band, I can hardly justify failing this venture!
****
I’m disappointed in myself today. I have eaten a little too much chocolate. I cannot let this become a habit. The surgeon indicated to me during my pre-op consultation, that he was concerned about my perchant for chocolate; that this could become quite a stumbling block to my weight loss. He’s absolutely right. It’s empty calories. It’s not going to hang around in my pouch very long to make me feel full. Prior to my appetite returning, I didn’t have any desire to eat chocolate. I’m hoping after my fill next Saturday that I’m not going to feel as hungry as often, hence not as likely to dive for a bar of chocolate as a stop gap between meals. I must learn some serious self-control. For the money I spent on this bloody band, I can hardly justify failing this venture!
Friday, August 25, 2006
No pain, no gain?!
*mooches in looking slightly worse for wear* I would’ve written sooner but my plans went a little pear shaped.
Wednesday evening I ended up at the pub with people from work to celebrate my colleague’s impending nuptials. I’m not a drinker at the best of times (at the worst, I drink water spritzers) but I particularly hate going for drinks after work during the week. I feel like a cess pool sitting there in clothes I’ve worn all day in germ infested hospitals. And besides, I just hate the pub scene. The smoke, the smell and the amount of bodies jammed into one exceptionally small space. Yuck. And there is undoubtedly a finite period whereby you can drink water spritzers before someone begins whingeing and applying the pressure for you to join them in a tipple (pray tell, how does my not drinking affect you, you knob?!). I had to stay long enough to be polite but not long enough for my lack of enthusiasm to become apparent. I could think of a million different places I would rather have been. At the gym. On the phone talking to my boy. Don't get me wrong, I would’ve enjoyed going out to dinner and having a natter to my mates there, I just sooo hate standing around in pubs. It's a perfectly pointless excercise as far as I'm concerned. By the time I got home, I felt so wiped out that I had a cat nap. An hour and a half later the shrill of the phone startled me awake. *Smiles impishly* It was my boy! The night was well and truly over by the time we finished talking. No time for blogging, baby! I needed beauty sleep!
After work yesterday, I hit the gym (460 calories in 40 mins). Dawdling out of the gym, I mentally went through the contents of my fridge to determine what could I throw together for dinner. 2 eggs, coconut yoghurt, vegetables and a moldy packet of cheese. Hmmm. A quick visit to the grocery store was in order. I stood there in the meat section trying to decide what to have for dinner. Something high in protein, requiring zero energy and time to make. I grabbed a packet of chilli con carne mix. Chilli con carne with some light sour cream. Eeeexcellent! I happened to pass by the pork section on my way to the check out. I spied some lean pork medallions. I smiled to myself and thought, “Even easier than chilli! Throw a pork medallion on the George F*rman grill and steam some vegetables all while I’m having a shower!”. Perfect. By the time I got home I was starving. I put dinner on straight away … and couldn’t be bothered with the shower, I needed food! 10 minutes later, I sat down to pork with apple sauce and steamed vegetables. I got three bites into the meal (mainly the pork) when I got this gawd-awful-I’m-seriously-going-to-die pain. My past experience has been that when I eat something that doesn't agree, I experience discomfort but for no longer than a minute or two. This pain lasted 5 HOURS and 45 minutes. Most of that time I sat/stood/leaned in the shower with hot water blasting over me. I spat gobfuls of slime onto the shower floor. The stuff was even coming out my nose. Waves of severe chest pain kept hitting me with keen regularity. It felt like someone had a pick axe in my chest and would attempt to rearrange it whenever I thought the worst of the pain was over. I cried. I partially vomited. I clutched at my chest. At times, I could barely breathe. Oh, my gawd .. I’ve heard of the saying “no pain, no gain” but this pain had to be a joke. After what felt like an eternity, the pain suddenly dissipated. It left me shaking and hideously unco-ordinated. I had blood shot eyes. My neck and entire skin covering was bright red (from the scalding hot water I suspect!). I was exhausted. I made a frantic call to the company representative (the lovely chap I dealth with to organise my op) to check if what I'd just experienced was normal and should I be worried about having possibly dislodged the band. I was reassured that everything was okay and yes, it was normal as you learn to adjust to eating with the band. He suspected I had either eaten too fast or had too larger mouthfuls. I swear to God, I will never do that again. It was honestly like birthing a baby through my oesophagus! Naturally, after this harrowing event, all I could think about was studying the back of my eyelids. I poured myself into bed without further ado.
I feel a little worse for wear today. Quite tired and sapped of my usual energy. I suspect I might be in bed before the sun sets today! LOL! I'm still alive ... a little anxious about attempting to eat solid food again. I'll do it - just maybe not in a screaming hurry!
Wednesday evening I ended up at the pub with people from work to celebrate my colleague’s impending nuptials. I’m not a drinker at the best of times (at the worst, I drink water spritzers) but I particularly hate going for drinks after work during the week. I feel like a cess pool sitting there in clothes I’ve worn all day in germ infested hospitals. And besides, I just hate the pub scene. The smoke, the smell and the amount of bodies jammed into one exceptionally small space. Yuck. And there is undoubtedly a finite period whereby you can drink water spritzers before someone begins whingeing and applying the pressure for you to join them in a tipple (pray tell, how does my not drinking affect you, you knob?!). I had to stay long enough to be polite but not long enough for my lack of enthusiasm to become apparent. I could think of a million different places I would rather have been. At the gym. On the phone talking to my boy. Don't get me wrong, I would’ve enjoyed going out to dinner and having a natter to my mates there, I just sooo hate standing around in pubs. It's a perfectly pointless excercise as far as I'm concerned. By the time I got home, I felt so wiped out that I had a cat nap. An hour and a half later the shrill of the phone startled me awake. *Smiles impishly* It was my boy! The night was well and truly over by the time we finished talking. No time for blogging, baby! I needed beauty sleep!
After work yesterday, I hit the gym (460 calories in 40 mins). Dawdling out of the gym, I mentally went through the contents of my fridge to determine what could I throw together for dinner. 2 eggs, coconut yoghurt, vegetables and a moldy packet of cheese. Hmmm. A quick visit to the grocery store was in order. I stood there in the meat section trying to decide what to have for dinner. Something high in protein, requiring zero energy and time to make. I grabbed a packet of chilli con carne mix. Chilli con carne with some light sour cream. Eeeexcellent! I happened to pass by the pork section on my way to the check out. I spied some lean pork medallions. I smiled to myself and thought, “Even easier than chilli! Throw a pork medallion on the George F*rman grill and steam some vegetables all while I’m having a shower!”. Perfect. By the time I got home I was starving. I put dinner on straight away … and couldn’t be bothered with the shower, I needed food! 10 minutes later, I sat down to pork with apple sauce and steamed vegetables. I got three bites into the meal (mainly the pork) when I got this gawd-awful-I’m-seriously-going-to-die pain. My past experience has been that when I eat something that doesn't agree, I experience discomfort but for no longer than a minute or two. This pain lasted 5 HOURS and 45 minutes. Most of that time I sat/stood/leaned in the shower with hot water blasting over me. I spat gobfuls of slime onto the shower floor. The stuff was even coming out my nose. Waves of severe chest pain kept hitting me with keen regularity. It felt like someone had a pick axe in my chest and would attempt to rearrange it whenever I thought the worst of the pain was over. I cried. I partially vomited. I clutched at my chest. At times, I could barely breathe. Oh, my gawd .. I’ve heard of the saying “no pain, no gain” but this pain had to be a joke. After what felt like an eternity, the pain suddenly dissipated. It left me shaking and hideously unco-ordinated. I had blood shot eyes. My neck and entire skin covering was bright red (from the scalding hot water I suspect!). I was exhausted. I made a frantic call to the company representative (the lovely chap I dealth with to organise my op) to check if what I'd just experienced was normal and should I be worried about having possibly dislodged the band. I was reassured that everything was okay and yes, it was normal as you learn to adjust to eating with the band. He suspected I had either eaten too fast or had too larger mouthfuls. I swear to God, I will never do that again. It was honestly like birthing a baby through my oesophagus! Naturally, after this harrowing event, all I could think about was studying the back of my eyelids. I poured myself into bed without further ado.
I feel a little worse for wear today. Quite tired and sapped of my usual energy. I suspect I might be in bed before the sun sets today! LOL! I'm still alive ... a little anxious about attempting to eat solid food again. I'll do it - just maybe not in a screaming hurry!
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Gawd, I'm jumpy
Tuesday morning and the Tube was justing pulling into the platform as I bounded down the stairs of my local train station. I scrambled inside the already packed train. All the while, a little voice inside my head said, "Oi! Just wait for the next one, it's only two minutes behind!". But of course I ignored it. I wished I had of waited. I ended up travelling to work holding my breath. Not because of some offending odour but rather from fear. I spied an empty spot on the padded leaning bench as I stepped onto the train. Just as I settled into my primo position, I noticed that to my left was a rather over stuffed backpack. No one appeared to own the bloody thing. I looked around rather anxiously. At the next tube stop, a text message alert from someone's mobile phone pierced the quiet of the carriage. I must admit, I think I must've shed my entire skin covering like a snake! I few people disembarked. I glanced over as the train partly emptied. Sitting diagonally across from me were two men of middle eastern origin (who I had been unable to see previously in the crowded train). Just as the train doors shut, one of the men received yet another text. I am ashamed to admit it but I was dead sure this pair were going to blow us up on the way to work. I rode the next two stops with feelings of dread clawing at my chest, all the while thinking "I should've just bloody waited". I feel terrible that because of the men's ethnic origins and a few, seemingly innocuous events, I would immediately jump to the conclusion that they plan to harm a train laiden with commuters. It makes me sick. I lived amongst these people in the Middle East (just last year) for almost two years of my life. I was rarely scared when I lived there. I have never been one to have any racial prejudices or disciminatory feelings towards other people, cultures or religions ... but today, I was terrified. It ended up that these two men got off at my stop ... and as I walked down the main road behind them, I realised they were probably relatives of one of the patients at the hospital (as we have a large middle eastern patient population). What is this world coming to! Gawd, silly little things like that make me jumpy!
****
Today's project at work was nutting out a marketing strategy to sell therapy services to other hospitals. I have no degree in business management or marketing but I think I've compiled a pretty good muli-tiered plan. After 7 1/2 hours of sitting at a desk and growing square eyes from staring at a computer screen (did your mum tell you that if you sat in front of the tv too long?! What a crock! LOL!) - which I am completely unaccustomed to in my particular profession - I was actually looking forward to going to gym to bust some funky moves.
Once again, I did my thang on both cross trainers for a total of 30 minutes (burning 380 calories today! Woohoo!). 30 minutes is pitiful in comparison to my workouts pre-surgery but I'm figuring on the gently, gently approach after being AWOL for almost 6 weeks!
Emerging from the gym with my work out gear still sticking to me, I figured I'd grab a little sushi for dinner. I really didn't enjoy it. I could eat it. I could swallow the salmon sashimi without any incident. But I just didn't enjoy it. I use to love sushi. I hope I get that loving feeling back. I'm sure my boy won't mind if I don't (he's not a fan of the stuff)! LOL!
****
Today's project at work was nutting out a marketing strategy to sell therapy services to other hospitals. I have no degree in business management or marketing but I think I've compiled a pretty good muli-tiered plan. After 7 1/2 hours of sitting at a desk and growing square eyes from staring at a computer screen (did your mum tell you that if you sat in front of the tv too long?! What a crock! LOL!) - which I am completely unaccustomed to in my particular profession - I was actually looking forward to going to gym to bust some funky moves.
Once again, I did my thang on both cross trainers for a total of 30 minutes (burning 380 calories today! Woohoo!). 30 minutes is pitiful in comparison to my workouts pre-surgery but I'm figuring on the gently, gently approach after being AWOL for almost 6 weeks!
Emerging from the gym with my work out gear still sticking to me, I figured I'd grab a little sushi for dinner. I really didn't enjoy it. I could eat it. I could swallow the salmon sashimi without any incident. But I just didn't enjoy it. I use to love sushi. I hope I get that loving feeling back. I'm sure my boy won't mind if I don't (he's not a fan of the stuff)! LOL!
Monday, August 21, 2006
370 ... 30 ... 1
Yeah-huh, baby! I re-acquainted myself with my fancy-pants-bleed-my-bank-account-dry gym today ... and it rocked! Today I didn't care that on the 1st of the month, the gym performs daylight robbery by taking 82 GBP from my bank account for the privilege of busting my arse as I see fit. Today I didn't care that the woman next to me really wasn't breaking a sweat (I'm convinced she only comes to the gym because it's 'fashionable' rather than for any health reason and ordinarily this bothers me ... Why? Dunno. Maybe because I tend to look like a freak when I work out ... sweating profuses whilst turning beet red).
I hit the long stride cross trainer ... and started out oh so slow! I was a little worried that my port would give me grief ... that it would start aching or give me a stitch like feeling in my side (which it sometimes does for no particular reason). I would normally be pumping my legs like mad getting to 60-60 plus reps per min quite rapidly to really get my heart beating. Today, I started at 38. I felt okay. I gently pushed myself up to 45 reps. Still no problem. No burning. No discomfort. I got a little wrapped up in the tunes I was listening to and found myself five minutes later pumping 57 reps. Wooo! And no pain! Ladies and gentleman, we have a winner! I kept this pace for the remaining 13 minutes. It felt amazingly good to feel the sweat rolling ... although the smell wasn't nearly as intoxicating! LOL! I changed to the short stride cross trainer (mix between stepper and long stride trainer) and did another 10 minutes on my usual program and reps. In a nut shell (help! I'm in a nut shell - Austin P*wers), I burnt 370 calories in 30 minutes, making me one happy bunny! To round off the afternoon, I did 10 minutes of stretching and 10 minutes of 'brain training' (umm ... you know, that nintend* game that's meant to increase the amount of brain matter you use. Weird, I know but the gym is promoting this body, mind, soul thing at the moment ... told you my gym was fancy pants! LOL!). You know what, I feel brilliant!
I ate regularly today. Good food. Whole food. But I have found yet another food that does not agree with me at present. Pecan nuts. It doesn't matter that I've chewed them to a fine paste ... when I swallow, it just seems to get 'stuck' in my oesophagus and then it hurts like blazers! The list of food that doesn't agree with me is getting so bloody long ... is there going to be anything left that I CAN eat!
I must admit ... it was nice to get back into a proper routine today. I thrive on routine. Routine is my friend. In all honesty, we're the best of friends!
I hit the long stride cross trainer ... and started out oh so slow! I was a little worried that my port would give me grief ... that it would start aching or give me a stitch like feeling in my side (which it sometimes does for no particular reason). I would normally be pumping my legs like mad getting to 60-60 plus reps per min quite rapidly to really get my heart beating. Today, I started at 38. I felt okay. I gently pushed myself up to 45 reps. Still no problem. No burning. No discomfort. I got a little wrapped up in the tunes I was listening to and found myself five minutes later pumping 57 reps. Wooo! And no pain! Ladies and gentleman, we have a winner! I kept this pace for the remaining 13 minutes. It felt amazingly good to feel the sweat rolling ... although the smell wasn't nearly as intoxicating! LOL! I changed to the short stride cross trainer (mix between stepper and long stride trainer) and did another 10 minutes on my usual program and reps. In a nut shell (help! I'm in a nut shell - Austin P*wers), I burnt 370 calories in 30 minutes, making me one happy bunny! To round off the afternoon, I did 10 minutes of stretching and 10 minutes of 'brain training' (umm ... you know, that nintend* game that's meant to increase the amount of brain matter you use. Weird, I know but the gym is promoting this body, mind, soul thing at the moment ... told you my gym was fancy pants! LOL!). You know what, I feel brilliant!
I ate regularly today. Good food. Whole food. But I have found yet another food that does not agree with me at present. Pecan nuts. It doesn't matter that I've chewed them to a fine paste ... when I swallow, it just seems to get 'stuck' in my oesophagus and then it hurts like blazers! The list of food that doesn't agree with me is getting so bloody long ... is there going to be anything left that I CAN eat!
I must admit ... it was nice to get back into a proper routine today. I thrive on routine. Routine is my friend. In all honesty, we're the best of friends!
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