Running ... only a little faster than walking!

There is some joy in the midst of despair.

My weight is slowly inching downwards. Last week's effort were rewarded with a 1kg (2lb) loss on the scales this week. I can thank my running efforts for that, me thinks. Yes, I have started running ... okay, calling it running is probably somewhat of a stretch of the imagination. But it is moving my body a little faster than I would do if I was walking. I found a program online (Couch-to-5k Running Plan) that introduces the novice to running ... easing you into the daunting sport. Ever so gently. I actually enjoy it, strangely enough. I feel especially sauve in my new trainers (high stability trainers with pronation reduction technology at that!) from Run and Become.

I'm quietly chuffed with myself as I have passed to weight loss milestones. I have lost 10% of my starting body weight (my actual weight the day before surgery was 95kg) which equates to a 9.5kg loss and I have lost 10kg. I have NEVER lost 10kg ever! I still get a little shock every time I do the maths. What? 10kg loss ... can that be right? LOL! And, my BMI has come down 4 points from 37 to 33. Noice!

My next weight loss goals are:

• 83kg (the equivalent of 2 stone loss - it's an English thing!)
• 80kg (the lowest weight I've ever managed to get to but never past in all my years of attempting to lose the lard & 15kg loss!)
• 79.5kg (just because it's a number under 80kg!)
• 77kg (10% loss of body weight from 85.5kg)
• 75kg (weight I was when I was 15 & 20kg loss!)

The funeral

It's my Grandma's funeral today (1st November) ... at 9:30am (AEST). I have shed an ocean of tears and now I am feeling numb. I'm really going to miss her.

Please send a thought and a prayer my family's way ... they're really going to need it.

I have included one of the songs that is to be played at her funeral.

HOME - Michael Buble

Another summer day
Is come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home

Maybe surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Oh I miss you, you know

And I’ve been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
“I’m fine baby, how are you?”
Well I would send them but I know that it’s just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

Another aerorplane
Another sunny place
I’m lucky I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm, I’ve got to go home

Let me go home
I’m just too far from where you are
I wanna come home

And I feel just like I’m living someone else’s life
It’s like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
But this was not your dream
But you always believe in me

Another winter day has come
And gone away
And even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home

And I’m surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel alone
Oh, let go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

Let me go home
I’ve had my run
Baby, I’m done
I gotta go home
Let me go home
It will all right
I’ll be home tonight
I’m coming back home

A sad farewell

I received a phone call in the wee hours this morning from my mother ... my grandma passed away peacefully. She fought long and hard with that bastard of a disease called cancer ... it ravaged her body up until her last breath. But, she is now free to be the independent, vibrant spirit she has always been.

Farewell, Grandma ... I love you.

May you rest in peace.

Going home and the 5th fill

Things have taken a turn for the worse. I got a phone call at 3:17am on Friday morning. Before I even answered the phone I knew it wasn’t going to be good … in a nutshell, my grandma’s health had further deteriorated. She had been hospitalized and was to be transferred to a palliative care home within 24 hours. Her prognosis was not good but no doctor would commit to giving an indication of the length of time we might still have her for. She declined any interventions (including IV fluids) other than some morphine and anti-nausea medication. Her legs are apparently quite swollen. She is neither eating or drinking. When she does drink it’s the smallest of sips. As for eliminating bodily wastes – it’s just not happening.

Needless to say, all weekend I waxed and waned over whether to go home earlier than planned. After 4 days of indecision and loads of conferring with friends and family, I decided to stick to my original flight dates. It wasn’t the easiest decision I’ve ever made. I mean, I wanted to be able to say goodbye to grandma face to face. I wanted to see her that one last time. But as mum pointed out to me, she is barely opening her eyes when she does talk to you … everyone is just a voice to her. Despite this, I still wanted to be able to say goodbye – even if it wasn’t in the flesh. I asked mum if she could set up a phone call so we could speak for a few minutes. My grandma got on the phone … I was all choked up and ready to say what I had to say but grandma launched into her bit. It took her a couple of minutes but when she was done she was exhausted. I literally didn’t get to say a word. So, I’m in the process of gathering and ordering my thoughts into a letter (to be read to her by mum) to tell her that she was my inspiration to learn and travel. To tell her that I love her. To say goodbye and make peace with what is happening.

By choosing to go on the 10th November, the chances are that I’m not going to make it home before she passes away … but I feel I need to be there to support my mum after the fact. I want to be there to support her while she grieves. I want to be able to cut the ‘To do’ list in half for her so she doesn’t have to deal with an overwhelming number of things to do after grandma passes away. I want to be there to keep her company … fuss over her a bit.

Mind you, it’s been five days since she took a nose dive and she’s still with us. She’s a bloody tough battle axe – she’s waiting for something. Mum thinks she’s waiting for her quarterly superannuation payment to go into the bank before she pops her clogs. That would be so typical of her!

***
The band and weight loss?

Oh, fark! Yes, of course!

I went for my 5th fill on Saturday. I am now up to 6.6cc in my 10cc band. I had no problems downing a glass of water in the doctor’s surgery. The next morning however, I had a choke on a glass of water and half a multivitamin tablet. Gawd, the stoma must be small!

I stuck to fluids for most of the day today but this evening I ate my first solid meal since the fill. It was sushi. Have a guess at how much I could eat before I was full … 3 tiny cucumber maki rolls and one piece of salmon nigiri! I later followed it with a pot of yoghurt which didn’t sit too well as I was still full. I believe you’d call that eating like a sparrow! LOL!

I am still on a mission to lose 5kg before going to Dubai. But considering everything that is going on, I won’t be devastated if it doesn’t happen … I need to give myself a little room for error at the moment. Gently, gently. I know it will happen.

When it rains, it pours

When it rains, it pours … and it does so in bucket loads.

You know those times in your life where you’re rolling along nicely, real nicely … even getting a bit smug about how good your life is. Ying and Yang are in harmony. Life is good. And then … without warning … life hurtles around the corner, slams into you and leaves you wearing your latte on your shirt. That's exactly where I am, my friends. Wearing my fashionable skinny latte on my front and cursing quietly under my breath.

I am perfectly aware that everyone gets these not so funky dips from time to time – I’m not trying to be a martyr or beg for sympathy. And I have to admit, not all of what’s going on is negative but it’s stressful all the same.

The mish mash of stuff that’s going on at present includes (in no particular order except for the first):

• My grandmother being terribly ill. Terminally ill, in fact. Every day she’s alive is one more than was expected.
• Spending three long days scouring the internet for a reasonably priced airline ticket home so I could see my grandma one last time … prices range from 800-2400 GBP. Gulp!
• Purchasing tickets home (international and domestic flights) at an exorbitant price.
• My international air flight ticket has not yet been delivered (why do airlines still do paper tickets in this day and age?). I checked the website and they stated that they would not take responsibility for lost tickets and would charge a re-ticketing fee if you need the ticket to be re-issued. I could’ve paid 10 quid for courier delivery (covering me for re-issuing of the ticket if it happened to get lost) … but that seemed pointless as I’m not home during the day to sign for the ticket anyway. Consequently, the ticket is being sent via snail mail. I bought the ticket Monday evening. Royal Mail is meant to deliver the next day (if mail is in by 5:30pm). So I figure it should’ve been delivered today. It wasn’t. What’d you reckon the re-ticketing fee is? Sigh.
• Desperately trying to find a job in Kuwait so I can join Rob. But jobs are proving to be a little elusive. I’ve sent my CV out to my Kuwaiti patient’s relatives who have offered to help my cause – but as yet nothing has come up. I have been busy putting packs together with my CV, certificates and references to be taken to Kuwait in 3 weeks with the business manager of the hospital for distribution.
• Stress and worry about my recent choke. I worry that I might’ve done some damage – maybe slightly dislodged the band or something similar. It’s a completely unfounded worry but it’s there all the same.
• Suffering with some minor sinusitis. Bah!
• Finding a mobile phone a couple of days ago – I have been debating over what to do with it. I feel bad about still having it and not trying terribly hard to find the owner.
• Being financially a little skinny – especially after all the airfares I’ve been purchasing. Let me think … I believe it’s a grand total of five tickets. Two tickets to Riga, one ticket to Dubai, one ticket to Australia and one ticket from Brisbane to Cairns (Australia). Oh! And the Eurostar trip to Belgium for surgery.
• Not having enough patients at work at the moment to really justify me working fulltime hours.
• Winter is fast approaching again – meaning it’s darker in the mornings and getting dark when I leave work. The only consolation is that it’s not too cold yet.
• My dad failing to inform me that my professional registration was due … in June. I am now practicing without registration … which isn’t an issue here in the UK (as I am registered with the UK board) … but if I want work in any other country where there is no registration board, they want you to be registered in your country of origin. I was registered with the board for 9 years. I now have to complete the whole application again (which is very involved and time consuming) plus pay the application fee and registration fee. In total this comes to $400 AUD … almost 200 GBP. Which I really can’t afford at present.
• Secretly worrying about my health … I have a few things which have to be investigated. I don’t really wish to divulge my health issues but it’s stuff that needs serious and proper investigation. The clowns in the health system here are incompetent. I wouldn’t trust them with the family pet … yet alone my life. I’m going to get it all checked out while I’m home.

So I feel like I have a little more than the average chop suey on my plate at the moment but the only way is up. Right? Ummm … people? Hello? Where did you all go?

***
On a much more positive note, I have lost a further .7kg (1.5lbs) this week. Not bad, huh? Unfortunately, my dream of going home and having my family not recognize me is to be dashed. But not entirely. I have decided I’m not going to say anything this time around. Next time though. Next time it’s going to be a jaw dropping oh-my-god reaction for my family. I swear it!