Yesterday was an intense day.
I needed a crutch - the ole emotional crutch. Chocolate.
Yes - I have managed to inhale a whole block of family chocolate over the past two days. It's without a doubt a disappointing relapse into past life behaviour. I know I shouldn't excuse it but right now I am going to honour how I feel and how I reacted.
Yesterday I witnessed my patient go into cardiac & respiratory distress during a home visit. One minute I was conducting a consultation and the next I find myself in an emergency situation - calling the ambulance and attempting to keep my patient calm. A solitary ambulance officer turns up to assist. For half an hour, I change occupations and become an ambo. I then spend 3 hours in the hospital assisting with the admission & silently praying .. no, in actual fact, begging God to grant my patient more time on this earth. All I wanted right at that moment was for him to make it.
He did but I swear it was just by the skin of his teeth.
I left the hospital exhausted - in every sense of the word.
I fell apart in the carpark after being the consummate professional during the drama; as the most important thing during those few hours was providing support to my patient and his wife both physically and emotionally. I will admit I cried for the hour's drive from one town to the next.
I still had patients to see. I complete my remaining consultations with no emotional go-go juice in the tank; forgetting my diary, my appointment cards & the mobile phone which are the basic tools I tote around with me.
I stopped off for a kick arse block of chocolate on the way to the motel and did an impressive job of devouring it before I even consciously registered what I was doing.
Life is just so very fragile ... let's just say this was the reality check I needed to love life all the more.
I needed a crutch - the ole emotional crutch. Chocolate.
Yes - I have managed to inhale a whole block of family chocolate over the past two days. It's without a doubt a disappointing relapse into past life behaviour. I know I shouldn't excuse it but right now I am going to honour how I feel and how I reacted.
Yesterday I witnessed my patient go into cardiac & respiratory distress during a home visit. One minute I was conducting a consultation and the next I find myself in an emergency situation - calling the ambulance and attempting to keep my patient calm. A solitary ambulance officer turns up to assist. For half an hour, I change occupations and become an ambo. I then spend 3 hours in the hospital assisting with the admission & silently praying .. no, in actual fact, begging God to grant my patient more time on this earth. All I wanted right at that moment was for him to make it.
He did but I swear it was just by the skin of his teeth.
I left the hospital exhausted - in every sense of the word.
I fell apart in the carpark after being the consummate professional during the drama; as the most important thing during those few hours was providing support to my patient and his wife both physically and emotionally. I will admit I cried for the hour's drive from one town to the next.
I still had patients to see. I complete my remaining consultations with no emotional go-go juice in the tank; forgetting my diary, my appointment cards & the mobile phone which are the basic tools I tote around with me.
I stopped off for a kick arse block of chocolate on the way to the motel and did an impressive job of devouring it before I even consciously registered what I was doing.
Life is just so very fragile ... let's just say this was the reality check I needed to love life all the more.
